This past weekend my husband and I drove down to the World Alliance of Interfaith Clergy conference in Marriottsville, MD. On the way, we found ourselves listening to a talk show which was inviting callers to share their feelings regarding the recent election of Donald Trump. I was struck at the level of anger on both sides. One caller, a strong Trump supporter, was particularly angry leveling much venom at those who were now protesting his election. After a follow-up question, she suddenly launched into what could only be called a full-blown, unstoppable, tirade.
Frankly, I found myself becoming more and more irritated. I felt quite sure that had she been in my physical view I would have leveled back in defense. And then, somewhere, tucked in the middle of the tirade, I heard a short phrase (they usually are) that stopped me cold. She said, “My daughter died…” and a little later, “from a drug overdose.” Suddenly, I could hear all of her complaints about the lack of border control, illegal immigrants, health care challenges, financial strain, in a whole new light. And, most of all, I remembered: behind every anger is a hurt.
And then, Grace stepped in. When the caller finally stopped talking, one of the hosts, a woman, said simply and softly, “First of all, I just want to say how very sorry I am about your daughter. I just can’t imagine how painful that must have been for you. I can’t even imagine.” And, it was clear the host’s words were heartfelt. No more follow-up questions. No commentary. No slickly spun analysis. No defense. Then, there was a slight pause of silence that could have been an eternity. When the caller finally spoke, her voice had changed completely. Quieter. Softer. And, soon, she politely ended the conversation.
Behind every anger is a hurt. On some level, the host knew this and simply provided a space for the caller to be heard. And, what did the caller most want heard? Not her political opinions or even her good reasons for voting one way or another. What she wanted heard was her grieving heart. But it took someone to hear beyond the accusatory rant, closed opinions and gritty insults – a someone who could respond, not react, from the depth of the human heart instead of from the customary socioeconomic commentary or intellectual analyses.
I am convinced that political opinions are much like religious opinions. We all have them and, though they can be similar, are rarely identical to others. Why? Because we each have a unique life story that has helped shape our beliefs. Know the story and you understand the beliefs and consequential behaviors. For example, the caller had not been derailed by Trump’s egregious rhetoric, as I, because his message had been as a balm to her wounds. Did that suddenly make his rhetoric okay? Absolutely not. But, it did help me to understand the caller better and, I suspect, others in a movement of those who have felt left behind, unacknowledged and unheard.
And, perhaps, it is here where our work resides. While it is our job to stand clear, strong and true in creating the world we would like to see, it is also equally important that we are able to listen deeply to those with whom we disagree. For, it is only in this way that we can find understanding in place of judgement, unity beyond uniformity with our sisters and brothers, and, as Grace allows, that love everlasting.
Today, I feel somehow deeply connected with the caller though I no longer remember her name or where she lives. And, it no longer matters to me for whom she voted.
She touched my heart that day…and I am grateful.
10 responses to “The Caller”
Thank you so much. This story was beautiful, a lesson in loving and listening without judgement.
Thank you Anne…you summarized it so beautifully…
My prayer for this Nation is that this election reveals itself as a Sour/Sweet moment, where “those who have felt left behind, unacknowledged and unheard” are seen and heard in productive ways. As always, it is our practice to remain in equanimity long enough to be that “someone who could respond, not react, from the depth of the human heart instead of from the customary” defenses. The ‘keen sword of discernment’ is in our hands, sourly and sweetly at the ready.
Thanks, Rev Rutt
As always, so well said Ahjan…to stay in equanimity is our challenge and blessing as we discern our Path forward…
Stephanie, thank you for reminding us that everything we say and do that is not in harmony with the God within has a reason. The challenge is to pause and understand while not excusing another’s conduct. In that little pause of understanding we become the God within. John
Indeed! Understanding but not excusing the conduct…beautiful!!
Stephanie, it has been years since I took yoga classes with you …And your wise counseling has stayed with me…especially now that I am widowed since New Year’s Eve… so true that underneath all harsh reactions is deep, underlying pain…. all of us experience hurt of some kind in our lifetimes. What decreases the degree of our suffering is acknowledging and being tender towards ourselves and others in our vulnerable, fragile moments… Though we may feel driven to snarl and lash out, like injured animals do, we can take lessons from them as well, as they seek a quiet, safe, hidden spot deep in the brush to lick their wounds and heal…. and we as humans can find safe others who accept our us in pain and bring us comfort and hope to carry on. Namaste. Mary Holt
Dear Mary, how wonderful to hear from you after all these years. And thank you for your wisdom and compassion speaking through your words…Beautifully expressed…
Yours is a wise, wise heart, dear Stephanie. I’m so grateful you walk among us.
As I am equally grateful you walk among us…